Lady Rottweiler’s Guide to better Lyme Etiquette

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Lady Rottweiler, is arguably one of Rainbowland’s most colourful personalities. On the one hand, she and her partner in crime, Squire Shih Tzu (pronounced Shitzu), are known for throwing the best lymes that uptown has to offer. At these lymes there is no shortage of good food, good music, good fun and excellent stemware and crockery. On the other hand many a Big, Broad Back, Tartaramous Brute has been brought to the brink of tears by her biting commentary and her unrelenting stance on promoting social exclusion draped as exclusivity.

Love her or hate her! Her penchant for escorting persons to the door or refusing admission to her Lymes has earned her a reputation of being a strong disciplinarian!

With the above mentioned in mind we have compiled a list of Don’ts such that prospective LYME ATTENDEES can avoid both the bark and bite of this Guardian of Upper St. Andrew. Please note this is not a comprehensive list and should be seen as a guide only:

  1. A Lyme begins at the point of an invitation. Do not under any circumstances assume that because you heard about the event from someone, and you know the host (even intimately) means you can show up. No invitation means you are NOT INVITED. No the invitation was not lost in the mail.
  2. For those who have been invited, plus one means your significant other. It certainly does not mean your BFF, your good friend , Gucci handbag or whatever moniker you choose to call your closest associate by. If the host wanted your Gucci there he/she would have invited him/her or asked you to bring him/her along.  However, if you have a query on this matter, do the honourable and decent thing- ASK IF YOU CAN BRING THE GUCCI ALONG!
  3. If a Lyme is a bottle party please bring a bottle that can serve more than just you. That also means if you roll in with your crew, which for arguments sake means 6 invited guests, bring more than a SIX PACK. That is nothing short of Bhutocratic and Stingey behaviour and not in keeping with the spirit of a lyme.
  4. Related to number 3. Do not bring a six pack of Malta and then head for the Hennessey or the Vodka or anything in a higher shelf. This act alone is an instant demotion to the C List
  5. By all means at the Lyme, converse. Smile, mingle and converse, but don’t dominate all conversations. Be a good listener, too. Don’t leave your date alone in a corner, and don’t bring your problems to the party. In fact if you have problems stay home and make love to the Kleenex. Also if only you get your sense of humour then leave the joke making alone!

Selah

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One thought on “Lady Rottweiler’s Guide to better Lyme Etiquette

  1. What a mighty hell fight in that kennel when them two dogs turn on each other over “Food” I will be here to see the best and worst of disgustingly snob kennel.

    Selah.

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