Gay for Pay, Part I?

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Get to Know Your Anus: 10 Rules of Anal Sex Part II

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Jack Morin, PhD, a San Francisco sex therapist and researcher, is the author of Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men and Women.

Anal Eroticism is surrounded by a powerful taboo. Yet millions of men and women – straight, gay and bisexual – are experimenting with anal sex. The anus, richly endowed with nerve endings and interconnected with the main pelvic muscles, is the closest erogenous neighbor of the genitals and contracts rhythmically during orgasm. Thirty-five years ago, Kinsey stated that the anal region had erotic significance for about half of the population. In a survey of 100,000 Playboy readers, 47 percent of the men and 61 percent of the women admitted to having tried anal intercourse.

Yet the anal taboo inhibits most people from thinking, talking and learning about the sexual use of the anus. Listed here are the ten things most men and women still do not know about anal sex. (Previously we published the first three, here are four more facts you should know):

4. Two muscle rings called sphincters surround the anal opening. Each functions independently.

If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your anus and press your fingertip against the side, you can clearly feel the two sphincter muscles. There is less than a quarter-inch between them. The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system – just like the muscles of the hand, for example. You can readily tense and relax this sphincter whenever you want.

The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the involuntary or autonomic part of the nervous system, which governs such functions as heartbeat and stress response.

The internal sphincter reflects and responds to fear and anxiety during anal sex. It will cause the anus to tense up automatically even if the passive partner is trying to relax. Thus, precautions about safety and comfort are essential here.

Even if a person does feel comfortable during anal sex, he or she may still need to learn voluntary control over his or her internal sphincter in order to relax it at will. Doing so requires regularly inserting a finger, perhaps in the shower each day, and feeling the internal sphincter. The muscle changes spontaneously and in response to behavior. In this instance, simply paying attention is more important than trying to relax. Anyone can gradually learn to control the internal sphincter at will.

5. Anal stimulation provides many kinds of pleasure

The highest concentration of nerve endings is around the anal opening itself. A finger can focus on them especailly effectively. When an object or penis is insertedbeyond the anal opening into the rectum, other pleasures are involved. The outer protion of the rectum, like the vagina, has several nerve endings. The inner portion responds mostly to pressure.

Some people enjoy the feelings of pressure and fullness once they understand that these sensations do not presage an impending bowel movement. Rectal pressure isespecially important to enthusiasts of “fisting,” a form of anal sex in which several fingers or een the entire hand and forearm are inserted into the rectum and sometimes into the lower colon.

In men, the protate – which is just beyond the rectal wall, a few inches in, towards the front of the body – can be a source of pleasure when massaged by a finger, anobject, or a penis. Also, the lower end of the penis, or “bulb,” is near the anal opening opening. It is stimulated indirectly by most types of anal sex.

Anal pleasure can be psychological as well as physical. The anal taboo adds to the thrill of the forbidden. The most common anti-anal message (it’s dirty!) sometimes returns as a source of raunchy, sleazy excitement. Rimming enthusiasts may enjoy the feeling that they are being disgustingly – and delightfully – perverse. Other people regard the anus as a secret, special place. Sharing it with a partner is an act of openness and giving.

6. Anal stimulation can lead to orgasm

A minority of men and women can respond orgasmically to anal sex without direct genital stimulation. Women probably do so through pelvic muscle contractions – and a small minority even though the sheer excitement of being anally penetrated. When men expereience an orgasm from anal stimulation, they tend to focus on the prostate. No doubt they are also responding to indirect stimulation of the penile bulb.

Orgasms from anal stimulation are most likely to occur when the participants become thoroughly absorbed in their sensations and fantasies. An lmost certain way to prevent such an orgasm is to be become determined to have one. Seeking an anal orgasm will create new pressures and disrupt the pleasure.

It must be remembered that most people require direct genital stimulation in order to climax. On the other hand, a few people have orgasms only with anal stimulation.

7. Diet contributes to the enjoyment of anal sex

Regular bowel movements are the major function of the anus and rectum. There must be sufficient fiber in a person’s diet to make his or her feces soft, bulky and well formed. This allows a bowel movement to be produced without force or effort. Forced evacuations irritate anal tissues, causing discomfort and adding to muscular tensions. Fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains or unprocessed bran are important sources of fiber.

Get to Know Your Anus: 10 Rules of Anal Sex

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Jack Morin, PhD, a San Francisco sex therapist and researcher, is the author of Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men and Women.

Anal Eroticism is surrounded by a powerful taboo. Yet millions of men and women – straight, gay and bisexual – are experimenting with anal sex. The anus, richly endowed with nerve endings and interconnected with the main pelvic muscles, is the closest erogenous neighbor of the genitals and contracts rhythmically during orgasm. Thirty-five years ago, Kinsey stated that the anal region had erotic significance for about half of the population. In a survey of 100,000 Playboy readers, 47 percent of the men and 61 percent of the women admitted to having tried anal intercourse.

Yet the anal taboo inhibits most people from thinking, talking and learning about the sexual use of the anus. Listed here are the ten things most men and women still do not know about anal sex.

1. Anal intercourse is the least practiced form of anal sex.

There are many ways to enjoy the anus erotically. The most common techniques include touching the anal opening while masturbating or stimulating a partner’s anus during intercourse or oral sex.

Some people enjoy the sensation of a finger – their own or a lover’s – insinuated into their anal opening and gently rotated. Others may prefer the insertion of a dildo or vibrator beyond the  anal opening and short anal canal into the larger rectum. Many men, including heterosexuals, prefer this form of penetration.

Oral-anal lovemaking is popularly known as rimming. The very idea disgusts some people. Others enjoy performing it or allowing themselves to be probed in this special way.

2. Anal stimulation, including intercourse, is not painful if done properly.

The belief that anal stimulation, especially intercourse, has to hurt is a persistent and dangerous  myth. Just as pain anywhere in the body indicates that something is wrong, so is the same true  of the anal area. With its high concentration of nerve endings, the anus can produce extreme  agony when it is mistreated. Yet it can be a source of great pleasure.

When a finger, object or penis is introduced into the anus, the anal muscles go into spasm, as if fighting off an invasion. Pain will result if the partners do not wait forthese muscles to relax. Under sufficient stress they will eventually collapse and the pain subside, unless further damage is done. But, any ‘pleasure’ afforded from this kind of activity derives mostly from the absence of discomfort.

Maximum anal pleasure requires the elimination of all pain or physical trauma from the anal experience. Self-protection on the part of the passive partner involves being ready to say “no” until he or she is ready to proceed. Readiness is a combination of physical relaxation, usually helped along by plenty of leisurely anal touching, and desire.

Occasionally the anal muscles are relaxes, but the passive partner is still not in the mood. Stimulation should mount only in proportion to the degree of receptivity.

3. Anal sex can be enjoyed even if it has been consistently uncomfortable in the past.

Sufficient desire alone does not necessarily guarantee pleasurable anal sex. Nor is an uncomfortable previous experience always the reason for a lack of interest in or desire for anal sex.

Chronic anal tension is the most common cause of anal discomfort during sex. Hemorrhoids and constipation are usually a sign of this condition. Tension can be relieved by touching the anus and becoming more familiar with it. An ideal time to explore the anal opening is while taking a shower or bath. Deep breathing also affects the anal muscles. Tensing the anus and then letting go is another way of learning to relax it. Anyone who enjoys masturbation might want to experiment with some form of anal stimulation, though he or she should stop if any discomfort occurs.

For many people the turning point in anal sex is when they allow a partner to massage the anus with the understanding that intercourse will not be attempted. Then the recipient of anal caresses can concentrate solely on the pleasure that this erogenous zone is capable of  generating.

Dear Counselor

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Earvin "Magic" Johnson Jr. (born August 14, 1959) is a retired American professional basketball player who played point guard for the Los Angeles Lakers of the National Basketball Association (NBA). His wife at the time when he discovered that he was HIV+ did not contract the disease, his current wife is also HIV-

Dear Counselor,

My Boyfriend is HIV+, but I am not….

I know he cheated on me that is how he got it…but we have been together for a year and I really love him, but I am afraid of getting IT…

Should I leave him, should i stay with him…What should I Do?

Confused Madman

Dear Confused Madman,

I am sorry to hear about your state of confusion and madness over your boyfriend’s status. Your concerns in this situation are understandable. However, they reinforce some of the already existing stigmas against persons living with HIV/AIDS and homosexual relationships. You do know that there are many things a homosexual couple can enjoy together without engaging in penetrative sex. And, even in the case of penetrative sex, lots of [water-based] lubricant and latex condom, properly placed on the erect penis can almost make contraction impossible [providing there is no breakage]. For now, however, while you both may be uncomfortable with penetrative sex; mutual masturbation, caressing and watching each other masturbate may be some things you will want to try to keep sexual intimacy in your relationship. Please consult your health care provider for more information on safe sexual practices.

Of more concern to me, however, are the concerns you glossed over. You claim that your partner contracted HIV while cheating on you. Yet, your concern is posited as fear of contracting the virus. Have you two dealt with the infidelity itself? How did it make you feel? Are you willing and able to forgive him and move past those feelings of anger and betrayal? Are you comfortable being with someone who is HIV positive? What if other people find out? What happens when his health begins to fail, can you take on the responsibility ensuring that he gets the care he deserves? If you have not engaged your partner around these as much as you love him, the relation is bound to fail. You are going to inadvertently treat him badly for his betrayal and he, in turn is going to live in that state of guilt and self-pity which is neither helpful nor healthy for any of you.

Whether or not you should leave him is your decision to make based on what I have highlighted and your answers to the questions that I have raised. One thing is certain, though. People who are living with HIV need much support. Are you prepared to give that whether or not you remain in a relationship with this person?

Your Counselor

PEACE & LOVE

If you have any questions for our resident counsellor. Please feel free to email him your questions atradicalwalk2@gmail.com or check out his blog space at http://dmarcuswilliams.blogspot.com

Lady Rottweiler’s Guide to better Lyme Etiquette

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Lady Rottweiler, is arguably one of Rainbowland’s most colourful personalities. On the one hand, she and her partner in crime, Squire Shih Tzu (pronounced Shitzu), are known for throwing the best lymes that uptown has to offer. At these lymes there is no shortage of good food, good music, good fun and excellent stemware and crockery. On the other hand many a Big, Broad Back, Tartaramous Brute has been brought to the brink of tears by her biting commentary and her unrelenting stance on promoting social exclusion draped as exclusivity.

Love her or hate her! Her penchant for escorting persons to the door or refusing admission to her Lymes has earned her a reputation of being a strong disciplinarian!

With the above mentioned in mind we have compiled a list of Don’ts such that prospective LYME ATTENDEES can avoid both the bark and bite of this Guardian of Upper St. Andrew. Please note this is not a comprehensive list and should be seen as a guide only:

  1. A Lyme begins at the point of an invitation. Do not under any circumstances assume that because you heard about the event from someone, and you know the host (even intimately) means you can show up. No invitation means you are NOT INVITED. No the invitation was not lost in the mail.
  2. For those who have been invited, plus one means your significant other. It certainly does not mean your BFF, your good friend , Gucci handbag or whatever moniker you choose to call your closest associate by. If the host wanted your Gucci there he/she would have invited him/her or asked you to bring him/her along.  However, if you have a query on this matter, do the honourable and decent thing- ASK IF YOU CAN BRING THE GUCCI ALONG!
  3. If a Lyme is a bottle party please bring a bottle that can serve more than just you. That also means if you roll in with your crew, which for arguments sake means 6 invited guests, bring more than a SIX PACK. That is nothing short of Bhutocratic and Stingey behaviour and not in keeping with the spirit of a lyme.
  4. Related to number 3. Do not bring a six pack of Malta and then head for the Hennessey or the Vodka or anything in a higher shelf. This act alone is an instant demotion to the C List
  5. By all means at the Lyme, converse. Smile, mingle and converse, but don’t dominate all conversations. Be a good listener, too. Don’t leave your date alone in a corner, and don’t bring your problems to the party. In fact if you have problems stay home and make love to the Kleenex. Also if only you get your sense of humour then leave the joke making alone!

Selah