Once again the team from Red Door should be congratulated for putting on a very nice and well appointed UPT Lyme. However, if one was looking for a party or worse one that would be a fist thumping, gyration fest then Red Door’s Red, Rum and Soca Lyme was not the place to be over the weekend. Indeed for real connoisseurs of soca music, the Lyme was a massive let down. Yes, there was a higher than average volume of soca music than one would find at a regular party, however, the threshold for a soca party or Lyme is that it must have a 70-80% soca rotation. As it were, the soca rotation was closer to 30-40%.

Yet notwithstanding the misrepresentation in advertisement, it may be comfortably argued that Red Rum and Soca is a concept that could, as an annual event, mark the community’s end of the soca season and provide that seamless transition to the rest of the year.

The Analysis

 PINK will admit that whilst we never expressed publicly our misgivings about the location, we were worried. Our concern, had somewhat to do with the potential for a police invasion; but also included the fact that the location has been used in the not too distant past to accommodate a much different crowd to the one that normally attends the Red Door events. As a consequence, we felt that the management of the Red Door was doing the Rainbowland equivalent of bringing a 5 star state function to the banks of the McGregor Gully and trying to pass it off as a riverside affair. Happily no such deceit occurred!

Not only was the décor simple and elegant but most importantly functional. In fact we will go so far as to say that it (the décor) had the same transformative effect as the act of kissing a frog and turning it into a Prince. The only things missing from the ensemble was club lighting and sponges or some other sound proofing along the windows to allow for an increase in the volume of the music- to a point where normal functional human beings could hear and appreciate! Some patrons would argue that fans or some other cooling mechanism should be added to the list of missing items. Whilst we agree that the building could have been a degree cooler it is our projection that the heat combined with the affordable drink prices caused a spike in drink sales. Thus from a purely commercial perspective, it may be wise to not invest too much in an elaborate cooling mechanism for future events at that location.

At PINK we bow in adoration to the majestic brilliance of the person who decided to put the bar area at the back of the building. This simple decision not only avoided replicating the Chinese bend down plaza business style of the valentine’s party but eliminated the search for the bar by patrons and allowed for adequate lighting so that support staff could handle money efficiently and still not interfere with the lighting on the dance-floor.

Other notable good points about the event were that:

  1. Security was present, effective, and efficient without being intrusive and given into naughty habits of feeling up patrons. In fact the security arrangements for this event were so complete that it included an attorney and was able to turn away the police 3 times by PINK’s count but reportedly 4 times.
  2. The portable bathrooms were in a location that you did not have to climb a hill to reach nor have to search to find.
  3. The bar was well stocked and served by professional bartenders.

The Negatives

Yet, whilst the location of the bar was excellent and the professionalism of the bartenders’ noticeable, stock management was at best pedestrian if not Fourth World. Throughout the night there were too many instances whereby patrons having purchased their drinks tickets had to wait until a message was sent to  the drinks truck to indicate that stocks had ran out and then the troops would lug through the dance area with the beverages. This was simply TACK TACK TACKY. The management of Red Door must always strive to remember that theirs is a premium brand where expectations are justifiably high as such everything must be done to ensure that words such as tacky and Fourth World are never used to describe any aspect of their work. It is simply beneath them.

However, our greatest condemnation is saved for the Dee-Jay. Here at PINK we are convinced that this was the plague that the Lord Almighty spared Egypt and visited upon us. The selection was so terribly off, we almost in a fit of desperation asked the Chindian to take over the turntable. We have been advised that this Dee-Jay was a new recruit. Our advice to Red Door management is that he needs work. Further, Dee-jay selection should represent the standard of the event and new recruits should be made to work their way up from the lower league parties unless they come with the HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION! As it were this Dee-Jay should be made to refund his night’s salary to the event managers.

 Social Commentary

It was indeed a pleasant surprise to see such a large turn out from the Rainbowland Civil Service. Heading the list was of course the Secretary of the Cabinet, Dame Jason Mcfarlane of JFLAG also in attendance was the ever resplendent Lord Ambassador to the United Nations, his Excellency Lieutenant Charlton, the Permanent Secretaries in the Ministries of Education and Religion respectively, Drs Tekwe Yuself and Wid Wahning and Senior Director in the Ministry of Youth and Sports, Lady Poison Ivey. Missing from the event was Grand Ayatollah Al Mcknight first imam of JAS. We do hope that, these personalities so important to the community in terms of their work will view the party scene as a mechanism where in which they can meet the people that they do serve.

At the rate we are going we may soon have to publish a Table of Precedence




  1. The decrease in soca music was by request of the patrons. Most persons in attendance were not looking forward to a straight soca event.

  2. hehehehehe… right on point. I especially love the social commentary part… I hope the management of red-door reads and take note. or else they may need to paint over the door in a different colour to convince anyone to come out to one of their parties again…

  3. Very much on point.

    Great Crowd. Ideal Location. Nice Decor. But is that sufficient to make a great party. The Music wasn’t loud enough to have you really getting down. I saw the drinks truck pull up too many times and its crew trek through the regular space with the patrons even when there is a door right to the back of the bar that should have been made available. On one occasion I was not able to get my drink of choice and then when i did go back it was hot as the drinks truck just pulled up.

    This was my first red door event and i was hesitant but went as I wanted to continue my earth day celebrations. The vibe did pick up a bit but could have had more fire if the music was on point an pumping.


    Wonderful Review my Dear Laddy, but the party was a great,wonderful runaway from the usual boring unthemed events that had no more than 80 persons in attendance.
    But why should we retreat to the hills for a party or lyme? Why shold we, if we are postulating freedom, have the parties behind God’s back?
    The idea of having free drinks/cocktails before a certain time , should have been a clue that one should attend the party early so that they could come and hear the Soca. And what would a PArty Dj be if he could not be flexible to please his crowd?
    Also which inhouse party have you ever attended and didnt sweat? More So look at the Neighborhood it was kept? I like to use the term of a false sense of security.
    On entering the front door, one could have gone through the door or simply stuck to the left and just follow the path and you would have ended up at the bar.The troops who Lugged through the dance area obviously didnt see that there in the bar section one could leave without going on the Dance Floor? AND YOU SAID IT WAS LIT? Geuss you were blinded by the lights?
    Continue what you are doing. I commend you!
    Refael DeChocolate

  5. This site is quickly losing credibility. Red Door was fuckry.

    Red Door is nothing but (poor) marketing gimmickry and snob appeal that NEVER delivers.

    There was NO decor, the sound was crappy, the logistics re liquor was inadequate at best, the patrons seemed to think their shit was the stuff patties are made of….every time I go to a red door event I vow never to return but this is the last straw!

    Chocolate Dreams (I think that was the name) was a fabulous all-girls affair that same night that exceeded expectations. Red Door needs to get their heads out of their asses and go back to the drawing board.

  6. i was at this party and it was dumb and hot no decore at all and one ugly blinking light ice was done they run out of drinks.

    just walking half way onto the dance floor you start to sweat and about the décor simple and elegant who ever writes this blog shut the fuck up it was down right tacky tacky tacky
    i did not see not security i did not get search when i got there and mostly other people so mi no know wha the fuck yu a a talk about
    the bar was not well stock cause they ran out of liquor plus ice and the drinking water was really hot it was ma first time going to a red door and that the key for that door is lost sorry
    yes and ma les friend went to chocolate dreams and she said it was crazy it was cool and they party tile way in the morning and i went there early and the decor was really good and then i left come to that red door tacky party

  7. Boy Gaga.. you just showed that you are one classless butto.. Because security did not feel you up you say security was absent..Security patrolled the inside and outside, I went to my car and security was there to check to make sure I was entering the right car..The best kind of security is not the one that is out there waving a baton in your face and has a ready palm to touch your parts.

    Worse you were at an uptown parties where people don’t walk with knives and bottles as part of their clothes!!

    Because you are used to over the top gaudy things means there was no decor? LOL maybe you should stick to your ghetto parties

  8. @Dudusman let me tell you some you guys are just afraid to admit that the party was tacky and hot its not about use to security feeling mi up cause i dont like when people fell mi up but you still got to be safe cause cause even the writer themselves say the amount party they been to where they have to to be running for cover fight are easy to start at gay party cause some of them can’t behave when they go out and how the fuck you come to call me a classless butto i went to my car to get something and i dont see no security to make sure i get in the right car
    most of the time the dance floor was empthy and it was fucking hot red door sucks ass and i am from no ghetto and most of ma friends says it sucks so please go back to the drawing board

  9. The all girls was Chocolate Trails for the Indulgent… it was fantastic and featured a Chocolate Fondue Fountain from Chocolate Dreams, strawberries, cheesecake bites,fresh fruits, apples, pineapple, grapes…marshmellows, donut bites.. We intended to LEVEL UP the entertainment and we certainly did. All our events will be fabulous and themed or none-at-all. Its not enough just make money, Entertainment should be just that…Entertainment, if should make you who spend your money leave feeling GREAT!

    See the report below on Chocolate Trails party below:
    We would like to thank all the persons that supported our first event…CHOCOLATE TRAILS for the Indulgent, hosted Saturday April 24, it was a really fun and interesting experience. The ladies appreciated the finer details as we expected and had a ball…Thanks for all the texts and outpouring of support, expect nothing less than a simply couture and creative experience from the Couture Elements Kru, we would rather GO HARD or not at all…as our motto says LEVEL UP!

    Please see below a brief recount of the nights events:

    The Chocolate Fountain, grapes, strawberries, pine, apples, marshmellows and donuts were literally endless, as although the ladies were indulging, being served by Chrissy Couture, while Zee and the other ladies were serving the guests on the dance floor…we still had lots of goodies left over. The left-over fruits were donated to some street people in New Kingston.

    The milk chocolate vaginas were definitely a major hit over the milk chocolate breasts and nipples…The girls went straight to the vaginas…(can we analyze this behaviour lol)

    The Body brush on Edible Chocolate was also a major crowd teaser and a sure pleaser, creating art on exposed skin with the intoxicating sweet Jamaica Rum Chocolate, created waves of hedonistic abandon all through. It was a pleasure watching the ladies Lick, suck and being licked and sucked…(pervert…no…ART Connoisseur..YESSSS).

    The bar was a busy mess..Couture Ladies Tan and Latz held it down real nicely…lessons about drink preferences were keenly observed and will be perfected the next round as our objective is to give the ladies what they dream.

    DJ DAVID was off the chain…music is most important to a party…and the girls seemed to love his way of playing as usual.

    The aroma of Chocolate, freshh fruits and fun filled this party 5 star venue. The a/c units could hardly manage the heat generated by this super hottt party, some girls took the opportunity to take a break from all the heat (wink wink) and went on the outside at points (an average of 3 minutes)…some trailed ice cubes on their partners (sometimes other peoples partners’) and indulged some more. The fabulous intelli-lights was adjusted to face the ceiling after Phil mentioned it hurting her eyes…this then further andenriched the party experience…

    Some folks created quite a stir displaying their interpretation of the latest dance moves…LOL Saku was Jerking like a DIVA.

    Chocolate Trails continued until sunrise, almost everyone seemed on a high…alchohol, chocolate…extreme fun…not sure which combination the cause.

    It was a pleasure pleasing the LADIES, and it is our commitment to continue doing so.


  10. @Dudusman why oh why must this turn into a class debate? I have found in my time that those screaming the loudest about class and social standing usually come from nowhere and are trying to impress other people.

    The FACT that red door was a mess of a party has nothing to do with it presenting itself as a UPT lyme. In spite of this fact it was still a HOT stinking mess.

    Red Door can keep its pretentious hypocrite fan club. I’ve thrown away the key and will be partying elsewhere…probably with the same buttos you turn your nose up at. At least they know how to have a good time!

    • Dear GAGA,

      I really like how passionate you feel about the report..And I also
      liked your analysis on the Red Door Party. I would love it if you were
      to join my team.

      BTW. you seemed to have missed the fact that I didn’t think the party
      was all that great. In the first sentence I called the party a Lyme.
      By the second sentence I said if u were looking for a party or worse
      …. it was not the place to be.. The point is that in my estimation
      the party failed to meet the minimum threshold of being a party and so
      i called it a Lyme.

      Secondly you have taken issue with my assessment that the decor was
      simple, elegant and functional. You dont seem to have a problem with
      the word simple, seeing that u said there was no decor and seeing that
      in fact there was- you implicitly agree with the term simple. And you have not disagreed
      with functional, because the term functional was used in relation to
      the fact that the decor that was used, was used to demarcate areas
      such as the bathroom facilities etc. So the big issue is the term

      Now I am not sure if u have ever been to a party at that location but
      if you had you would have more clearly understood what I am talking
      about when I called the decor elegant. Also Red Door was seemingly
      going for a minimalist sort of motiff. At the end of the day Red
      Door was a big ole UPT LYME. At UPT LYMES the emphasis is really on
      standing around, milling around and talking or snobbing. Fact is the
      majority of Red Door’s customers are from that crowd and that is what
      they want and as such Red Door’s decor must meet the taste and
      standards of that crowd. Could there have been more? I believe there
      could have been and should have been and I have said so with practical
      examples thrown in.

      The last bone of contention you had was with the lack of cooling. Here
      is where I agreed with you. The place was hot and should have been
      cooler and I said that in the article. However, one must always recall
      that Red Door and the other party promoters are commercial
      enterprises. A party cannot become so cool, that people never get
      thirsty and buy liquor. The hotter the place is, the better from a
      revenue earning perspective. In much the same why, party promoters
      will pass around salted chips and nuts so that you get thirsty. In any
      event even if there was air conditioning in the place, it would have
      gotten unbearably hot unless you put in a really large system that
      would have competed with the Volume of the music. Ask the ladies that
      went to chocolate dreams if they didnt get hot even though there was
      air conditioning. It is the same principle when you get hot in your
      car with the ac on in the mid day sun, the ac cannot compete with the
      heat been given off by a more powerful energy source. human beings
      dancing around are huge generators of heat. Think about being in the gym pumping weights when the ac is on, or even just dancing for sometime in air conditioning..I dare you to try it, you will get sweaty and hot inspite of the AC.

      Finally you describe Red Door as a snob fest. Ironically that is
      the biggest compliment you could pay to the promoters. Whilst you may be
      turned off from it, fact is that unfortunately people are turned on by
      the thought of partying with those they consider the elites. Think
      about why some party promoters deliberately go around saying there
      will be a good crowd with good people! what do they mean by good


  11. Red Door was a hot mess!! No decor, no music, no security, no cooling, no party energy, NO no no no no no nothing. Uptown Lawyers trying to get in school boys pants. I never saw condoms either i think another promoter was bashed by pink for that i guess uptown people are immune to std/sti’s.

    I wonder who is going to really rock the city with a real party? I hate Brandon incomplete ideas called party, I love circle parties, Venice, halo, sankofa christmas party was flawless still awaiting another party to create an impression. who next

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