So the time has come to cross the Rubicon and complete this Summer’s HOT List.
Now readers are reminded of the following: “this is not the Principal’s Office, nor are we Deans of Discipline; as such we will not be handing out demerits for bad behaviour (in fact, in our estimation a little naughty is a good thing!). Further, we will not pander to those who would want us to intellectualize this experience by trying to develop objective criteria to assess beauty, nor will we go down the route of developing weights and measures. Rather we will take the high ground and follow the time honoured carnal tradition of letting our “other head” do the thinking, it has served us well over the years and in fact our only criterion for selection is identifying who we want to be rubbing paint on at Beach J’ouvert”.
5. Is the Yogamaster. If Shawty P is the brains behind the Red Door Concept, then the Master is its ever so lovely face. Now Pink will admit that this candidate is a bit too skinny for our likings. However, we have seen the pictures of the possible angles that his legs and spine can be twisted in, which makes him and not a stripper pole the perfect accessory for your bedroom. Yup we cannot wait to return to Decadence.
4. Is the Altar Boy. Now here is the perfect recipe for a Vatican Child Sex Scandal, for rarely do you find such a combination of physical beauty and internal personal grace. It is actually enough to make the most Pious priest review his vows. However, in keeping with the theme of physical flexibility not only can this young un dance and clap, but somersault and make up a cheer at the drop of a hat.
3. Is the Big Mack, Vicar of St. Andrew. In the days when Rainbowland was ruled by Judges i.e. the Privy Council, the Big Mack was the Solicitor General and Master of the Roll. Now he has seemingly donned priestly robes and has become the chief anointer of the party circuit. For no UPT party is worth its salt (unless of course it’s being thrown by HALO) if the Vicar has not blessed and indeed bothered to attend. We at Pink have already waxed lyrically about this entrant and will continue to do so; as such beauty should be bottled and stored for posterity.
2. Is the Orange Cat. Now Pink fully expects a law suit from this entrant because he has possibly the most boring moniker, we have yet developed. His proper title is actually Senior Superintendent (SSP) Orange, Head of the Fashion Crimes Unit. Now this Kat is not known for his kind words or charitable disposition, but ever since he was 10 he has been at the top of anyone’s HOT List. The Rumour Mill has it that the impressive features of Superintendent Orange doesn’t stop at his neck but travels all the way south down his legs.
1. Is the Security Guard. Now some of our readers will be surprised to know that the host of the Pre-Valentine’s Day Bash is actually over 40 and probably over 45. However, the man makes porn star hotness look like child’s play. A Permanent Resident of Hedonism III, this gentleman has decided to make 2010 the year he establishes himself. He is a quiet professional that prides himself on looking clean and good. However, the most interesting thing about this year’s Head of the Class is that he is not just PHYNE on the outside but he is no diva. Just goes to show you can be “Happy”, a pretty boy and not be insufferably consumed with one’s own flatulence.
Finally, we must admit that here at PINK we are a bit overwhelmed and surprised at the response to the list. The original feeling was that this was our worst article yet as in our estimation, the focus was on the most intellectually anemic of topics, Looks!
In retrospect, however, it has been recognized that the WORLD is driven by notions of beauty and our little community is by no means immune to such frivolities. As such it is we at PINK that suffers from the intellectual anemia in not realizing what the response level would have been.
Notwithstanding the above, we would like to remind our readers that there is no UNIVERSAL DEFINITION OF BEAUTY. As the Chindian DJ noted “In Malaysia, scruffiness is largely absent because men there wear make-up and are concerned about their general appearance, these same men would hardly cause a raised eyebrow in Jamaica”. We would also like to add, that being considered beautiful may guarantee persons a line at their bedroom door, but certainly not happiness nor loving relations. In these days of HIV/AIDS a long line at one’s bedroom may not necessarily be such a good thing!
Now a word of advice- to our reader’s it is far more important and fulfilling to be one-half of a Power Couple (or one-third as the case may be), than mate someone that is just merely beautiful….